Still missing him but ---

Sometimes I just can't help but wonder why I am here and my son was taken home. I would have rather it was the other way around. But I think the reason is that I have something left to do that only I can do. God isn't going to take me home until I have finished my work. Now all I have to do is figure out what that is.

I spend so much time trying to figure out what that big thing is that I am supposed to do that I miss the big picture. I am to do what ever I can do each day of my life. Our life is an ongoing opportunity to spread love to our fellow man. Some days when I am busy feeling sorry for myself I get so wrapped up in me and all my problems that I don't see the person next to me that needs my encouragement.

The thing that astounds me is that it makes me feel good to touch other people. I do words of inspiration for other people and when I do that it really isn't me that is doing it but God that is flowing through me. I see the way people react to those words. It is God speaking straight to their soul. That is so precious to me. Yet I look at that and say, "Yah, but I can't do that." The point is I don't have to do it. If God gives me the words to write to another person, if he uses me as a conduit, then why wouldn't he do it in other things I write?

I still miss Jeremy, but I have to let him enjoy the life he has now and just step out and enjoy the life that God has given me. Jeremy doesn't sweat anymore. I never stopped and thought about that before but it is true. Jeremy isn't uncomfortable. He has everything around him that gives him joy. Would I want him back? No, I can't do that. But I need to stop being unhappy because I don't have him down here. That is selfish. I want him here because I loved him, and if anyone tries to tell me I didn't I'll not accept it. I loved him more than I loved myself. That is where the problem comes in. The question comes up, if you don't love yourself how can you love someone else? That is a good question and shall have to think about that. Until next time, good day.