Sometimes I just can't help but wonder why I am here and my son was taken home. I would have rather it was the other way around. But I think the reason is that I have something left to do that only I can do. God isn't going to take me home until I have finished my work. Now all I have to do is figure out what that is.
I spend so much time trying to figure out what that big thing is that I am supposed to do that I miss the big picture. I am to do what ever I can do each day of my life. Our life is an ongoing opportunity to spread love to our fellow man. Some days when I am busy feeling sorry for myself I get so wrapped up in me and all my problems that I don't see the person next to me that needs my encouragement.
The thing that astounds me is that it makes me feel good to touch other people. I do words of inspiration for other people and when I do that it really isn't me that is doing it but God that is flowing through me. I see the way people react to those words. It is God speaking straight to their soul. That is so precious to me. Yet I look at that and say, "Yah, but I can't do that." The point is I don't have to do it. If God gives me the words to write to another person, if he uses me as a conduit, then why wouldn't he do it in other things I write?
I still miss Jeremy, but I have to let him enjoy the life he has now and just step out and enjoy the life that God has given me. Jeremy doesn't sweat anymore. I never stopped and thought about that before but it is true. Jeremy isn't uncomfortable. He has everything around him that gives him joy. Would I want him back? No, I can't do that. But I need to stop being unhappy because I don't have him down here. That is selfish. I want him here because I loved him, and if anyone tries to tell me I didn't I'll not accept it. I loved him more than I loved myself. That is where the problem comes in. The question comes up, if you don't love yourself how can you love someone else? That is a good question and shall have to think about that. Until next time, good day.
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Hello mommy, am really touched by your blog and it nearly put me in tears. All I want to say is God knows best as you said. Rememner, Job lost all his belongings including his sons and daughters but he never lost hope and faith in God. Keep the faith and may His presence around you console you each passing moment. All the best mom.
ReplyDeleteI also invite you to my blog at www.worlasi.blogspot.com. God bless you for paying me a visit.