Christmas went better than I thought it would go. Wednesday evening I got the first Christmas stocking in my life. Fifty six years old is a nice time to get a Christmas stocking, especially this Christmas. One of the items in the stocking was a candle. I lit it and just relaxed while I watching the flame flicker on the walls. It was the same way I finished my Christmas day out as well. I know my friend was praying for me to find peace through it all and I have finally felt at peace with Jeremy's passing. Will that stay that way? It may, but it may not. All I know is that I am enjoying the peace now.

I have a homemade card that Jeremy made for me last Christmas and I've pulled it out and read it again. It is almost as if he wrote that card for this Christmas. He talks about his thoughts being with me in this trying time. It was better than any bought card could have ever been. I'm so glad I held on to it. It was still part of my wall decoration when he passed away in February. Sometimes I can almost feel him standing behind me with his hands on my shoulders saying, "Don't cry mommy, I'm OK."

I thank God for all my friends and family during this holiday season. I didn't hear from all of them, but I did hear from some. Even those who have never acknowledged that I have lost a child, I know they just don't know how to express what they feel in their heart.

I'm not always able to get online with my work schedule and not having connection at home right now, but I'll post as many days as I can. It helps me to connect with my feelings. I wish you all a very Blessed Christmas.