I'm having one of those blah days again where I don't want to move or do anything. I can't say that I am real sad, just a lack of enthusiasm. I'm finding out that grief can take all kinds of forms. The one that is the most long lasting is the lack of passion in life or anything about it.

I was watching a child the other day, and I wished I had 1/4 of his ambition and wonder of the world around him. I remember how Jeremy was when he was growing up. I have pictures of him doing the goofiest things. I have one picture of him walking around in my high boots and dad's old red coat that he wore all the time. He was always trying out something new just to see how it worked.

Jeremy wondered about a lot of things. And he had an imagination that is so important to do anything in life. His favorite pass time was laying on his back on the grass and looking at the clouds. He saw all kinds of shapes in those clouds. He would see things in pictures and trees and sides of buildings. Once he would point them out then I could see them just as plain as he could, but he was always the one who had to point them out. I saw things with no imagination. He was always stopping to check out a stone or some other object on the road.

Jeremy took patience, but I learned a lot from him. They say we are to teach our children, but I think in lots of cases we learn a lot from them as well. Now, I wish he was here to point out the things he saw in things. No, I don't want him back because he has it much better where he was, but I would like that imagination that he had passed on to me so that I too would have that wonder for life again.

Some days there are not enough hours in the day to do all I want to do, and some days there are way to many hours when the wonder of life is gone. I hope for a renewed vision of what my purpose is in life.