Today I gave myself permission to move forward. I've been wandering in a dark forest and sometimes you just need to rest for awhile where you can see a ray of sunshine once in awhile. There is safety in the forest. Your emotions and your body goes through a lot during the grieving process, and the only ones that know the reality of that are those that have been plopped down in the middle of that forest too. The others, all though they mean well, have no idea how hard it is to just get up and move sometimes. But regardless of how hard it is, just doing something is the only thing that begins the healing process. I thank God for my job. That means I have to get up and move.

Although it doesn't seem like much, the first thing I did this morning was go through my room and clean it out and moved the table from the sun porch to my bedroom so that if I wake up in the middle of the night I can sit and write for awhile. That was a big accomplishment for me, but it made me feel real good.

Giving myself permission to stop grieving and start living is the first step. I have had to talk myself through just getting up in the morning and I know that when you say it, and commit to it, anything is possible. Jeremy is gone, and I'll never have him back, no matter how much I miss him. He would not want me to stay stuck in the forest. So I am going to follow the river, and where I come out is anybody's guess.